My dear father, if only I could
Bring you back into my world,
Hold you in my arms once more...
Hear you whisper that you love me,
I would not wait for you to hold me tight!
First I would close my eyes
And feel a sense of wholeness,
Protection and happiness...
A safety, a comfort,
For only I know how deeply it hurts.
If only I could look at you
And see you smile at me with your eyes.
If only I could ask your advice
And hear you say it plainly:
"You carry yourself well and you have a word of your own,
Be just the way you wish to be,
More yourself, never like them!
For you carry kindness in your soul,
Do not give away just half of it!"
If only I could ask you:
What is life?
What is love?
Why do we feel disappointment?
Why do we suffer sometimes?
Why do we smile only so rarely?
Why does it hurt when we hurt?
Why do we let others down in turn?
Why do we never have enough time?
Why does everyone die and never come back?
How is it that we grow old?
Why do the trees shed their leaves?
And then come back to themselves again?
Why are some kinder than others?
How do I choose the right path?
Why do we look on with sorrow?
Why does life hurt so much?
Why do we hold such hollow pride?
Why do we hate with cold eyes?
Stroke my cheek just once more!
Kneel down again and tell me
That I must take better care,
That for you I am enough!
Take me in your arms once more
And kiss me gently on the brow!
Look at me again
And tell me what I need to hear.
Hold me by the arm once more
And take me out on the bicycle.
Let us leave our footprints in the snow again,
Step by step.
I promise I will not sulk anymore
That you take one step and I take three.
Dance with me at least once
And scold me again, if you like.
For I miss you so, and I am so afraid.
Life forces me too hard
To play, to sing, to laugh, to forget.
To seek resignation in my thoughts.
What I was left with from you...
Warm words and love,
I have memories of you laughing
As you toss me higher in the air.
Of kindness, of respect,
You were so very fair!
You always said, so modestly,
That people are all equal in this world,
That one should never be proud
Except of one's own thoughts,
Of one's own good deeds,
Of the wisdom to choose
To be better, so as to gather
What you have sown!
But, my father, you did not gather,
You only sowed so much happiness
Throughout my whole childhood!
Forgive me, Father! I beg you!
For I was not a precious child.
I did not rest longer on your chest!
I did not kiss you with more longing...
For I did not hold you tighter in my arms
And kept some of my dreams hidden from you.
For I did not spend more time with you.
Only so you could see me, could feel more clearly
How much I love you!